Zombie Hunter Apprehended at Port Authority in NYC

Dressed in a trenchcoat with a camouflage bag packed to the brim with assorted weaponry slung across his shoulder, 25-year-old Christopher Rodger entered Port Authority with an “empty” look in his eyes and a singular mission on his mind: Zombie Hunting. (Un)Fortunately, Port Authority police, ignorant to the true dangers of a full on zombie pandemic affecting NYC, stopped him and what they found inside that camouflage bag is nothing short of amazing… or creepy.

Puzzled by Rodger’s rather Columbine-esque attire on such a warm night and noticing that clearly the elevator wasn’t exactly going all the way to the top floor with this one (which for Port Authority is saying something), police questioned Rodger. Like any good undead hunting vigilante, Rodger complied with police and revealed that had a gas-powered pellet gun on his person which in turn prompted further searching. Sifting through the contents of his bag police uncovered five samurai swords, three daggers, burglar tools, night-vision goggles and hand-drawn blueprints.

So many questions…. What were the blueprints of? What good would a dagger be in a zombie attack? Why the burglar tools? If you have to break into a zombie’s apartment to kill them is it really hunting anymore? Seems rather rude.

 

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