Police are on the lookout for a suspect, whom local news outlets dub a “sex-crazed loser” (sidenote – ouch!) who stole a semi, crashed it through the wall of a local sex store and stole an $800 fake vagina. You know, one of those things that has the vagina, some legs and even a fake butt. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. What? Don’t look at me that way.
Anyway,it’s really expensive to buy those things (apparently) so cops are eager to catch this guy.
Police say that eventually the pervy perv (see, that’s how you do your insults, local media!) ended up dumping masturbatorial aid somewhere along the way because when cops caught up to the guy later on they couldn’t find the toy anywhere in the cab. The man took off on foot and successfully evaded capture.
Authorities are now looking for the man and ask anyone with information to please call them. If you find the used and discarded $800 fake vagina however I’m pretty sure you can just keep that. No one apparently wants it back.