Inspired by what she had read in Good Parenting Guide Old Testament, Keemonta Peterson decided that she would get her 3-Month old son circumcised. Mistakenly believing he was too old for such a procedure she did what any good mom would do. She watched a bunch of Youtube videos on the subject, grabbed a box-cutter and pliers and did it herself. She’s like Tim the Toolman Taylor of Penis Cuttery.

“When the bleeding wouldn’t stop, she tried to stitch her baby up. Her 13-year-old son watched on in distress.” – probably because he thought he was next. “After two hours of uncontrolled bleeding, Peterson decided she needed help and called 9-1-1”

Two hours? I’d say after the first hour of nonstop bleedy baby penis I’m gonna call someone. The cops, the Hospital, the Ghostbusters, I don’t care. But this is not something I would just put some Tussin on and hope it got better on its own.

The ambulance came and the procedure was completed by doctors at the hospital – which they would have done had she just taken the baby in there in the first place. It turns out that the pediatricians at OHSU Doernbecher Children's Hospital wouldn’t have performed the procedure on any baby over four weeks old due to pain and the need for anaesthesia. But a trained urologist would have. Whoops.

Peterson was taken into custody but then released on a $500 bail. She is said to have strong family support and a history of mental illness. A month after her foray into the realm of at-home surgery, Peterson suffered “auditory hallucinations” and manic episodes that prevented her from sleeping for days.

But why would she be so concerned with the Old Testament anyway? She claims to follow the “Hebrew” religion – despite the fact that she’s never attended any services at any establishment anywhere.

According to Multnomah County Circuit Judge Eric Bergstrom there would be no point in sentencing the unemployed mother of four (!!!) to any more time than the 28 days she had already served.

Despite the "sensational-sounding facts," said Bergstrom, "the reality is you love your children and had absolutely no intent to harm your child."

Ohhhhh-kay.