Public restrooms are for the most part a blight on humanity. The place where your last shred of dignity and sense of sanity goes to die. A place where literally every shlub on the street can drop trou and unleash their hellish gut sauce culled from the darkest corners of their rotten colons. Then you have to go in next and use the same stall hoping beyond hope that the thin piece of wax paper will protect you from whatever godforsaken diseases they have.
I personally try to avoid them with all my might. But not 22-year-old Joel Hardman. He loves them. Well, women’s restrooms anyway. He loves them so much he likes to take photographic souvenirs of his visits. Oh, and did I mention he does so while dressing up as a mannequin hoping you don’t notice he’s there? Yeah, there’s that too.
Mall security found young master Hardman (hard-man, hehehe) locked in a stall, dressed as a mannequin and gratifying himself after having snapped three cell phone photographs of women’s feet and recorded audio of a flushing toilet. Asked why he was dressed as a mannequin he replied that aside from enjoying being creepy as shit he also “wore the clothes to a fancy dress party and then tried it out at the shopping mall.” The University of Birmingham student (pictured at right rockin that awesome neckbeard) had started out with this scheme at the university bathrooms but moved on to the shopping malls when he wanted a more active loo with more visitors. Because apparently nothing about a heavy breathing emotionless mannequin face outside your stall arouses any suspicions in Jolly ole’ England.
“I’ve been a bit weird…. It’s good you’ve caught me — maybe now I’ll stop.” Hardman said. I love that quote. Mostly because in my mind I read it less in the voice of a weak-willed repentant offender with an uncontrollable fetish but with the hateful ominous tone of a super criminal plotting his revenge. “Maybe I’ll stop.” he said. Maybe.
Anyway, the potty paparazzo is out on bail with the one condition stays away from public toilets – presumably forever. But something tells me he’s not the only one planning avoiding them in the near future. I know I will be. At least until Taco Tuesday. Then all bets are off.