21 Dumbest Criminals of the 21st Century (So Far)
Posted by DPoor Man's Hummer
Jonesville, Virginia: William Anderson, 51, was arrested after attracting attention by applying for welfare at the department of social services while driving an H2 Hummer. Thinking it an odd sight, the local sheriff ran the plates, and the vehicle came up as stolen.
Repeat Offender
West Palm Beach, Florida: Things were looking up for Frank Singleton, 21, as he was released from jail. However, when he realized that he didn't have a ride home, he walked straight into the prison parking lot and attempted to carjack a woman. He was foiled when he realized that he couldn't drive a car with a stick shift. As he was re-arrested -- this time, for felony carjacking -- Singleton told police that he simply "didn't feel like walking."
Now Hiring
Athens, Georgia: Demetrius Robinson, 28, wanted to rob a Golden Pantry store late one night, but he needed to pass the time as naturally as possible until he and the clerk were alone, so he decided to fill out a job application. Not a bad idea, except he left his real name on the application, along with his uncle's phone number. After he robbed the store, it didn't take long for police to track him down. He didn't get the job.
Worst. Burglar. Ever.
Fort Myers Beach, Florida: Amateur criminal and professional dimwit Christopher Kron created his own personal "how not to commit burglary" instructional video when he tried to rob a restaurant after closing one night. Mistake #1: He tripped the alarm when he broke in. Mistake #2: He failed to flee after hearing the (not silent) alarm. Mistake #3: When ADT called the restaurant after being notified of the alarm, Kron answered the phone. Mistake #4: He gave the ADT employee his real name. Mistake #5: When he finally got the bright idea to leave, all he took was a bottle of Grand Marnier and a beer. Mistake #6: Having gotten away with the crime, he returned to the restaurant the next day and was recognized by an employee who had seen the surveillance video. Kron was arrested on the spot.
Dumb in an Elevator
Oslo, Norway: Two men in their early 20s (age and IQ) decided to vandalize an elevator in a train station by violently kicking the closed doors...while they were still
inside. The doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sounding an alarm that alerted security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, but the doors jammed even more, so they called the police and the fire department. The two vandals were eventually freed -- and promptly arrested. Their actions were recorded on the elevator's security camera.
Keep Your Eye on the Road
Osternarke, Sweden: A 56-year-old woman's boldly dumb defense in her trial for drunken driving was that the alcohol did not affect her driving because she kept one eye closed to avoid seeing double. She was sentenced to two months in prison.
World's Greatest Dad
Bristol, Tennessee: In his stunted way of thinking, Randy Lewis, 43, was at least trying to be responsible by not driving drunk during a beer run. Instead, he had his 10-year-old son drive. The boy proceeded to crash the car at an estimated 90 miles per hour. The elder Lewis had not only a blood-alcohol content of over three times the state limit, but he also had cocaine in his system -- not to mention two other children in the vehicle. Lewis was charged with drunk driving, reckless endangerment and child abuse and was booked wearing a t-shirt reading "Buy this dad a beer."
Note to Self
Marysville, California: Arthur Cheney, 64, was arrested after police spotted him driving a car that resembled one used in a local bank robbery. Something told them that they had their man when they noticed a yellow Post-It note on the car's center console with a handwritten message reading, "Robbery - 100s and 50s only."
A Novel Approach
Wroclaw, Poland: Polish author Krystian Bala, 34, might've gotten away with murder...if he hadn't written about it in his book. His 2003 novel Amok became a beststeller in Poland, but he paid the price when police noticed that the details of a murder in the book eerily matched those of an unsolved 2000 case. The similarities led the police to investigate further, discovering connections between Bala and the victim, including the fact that the victim was romantically involved with Bala's ex-wife. Although it wasn't proven that the author was the sole perpetrator, he was sentenced to 25 years in jail for his part in the crime.
Pee Bandits
Crescent City, California: Krystal Evans, 26, and Denise McClure, 24, were arrested for destruction of evidence when they sifted through a DHL delivery van looking for Evans' probation-mandatory urine sample that was on its way to a forensic lab. The pair knew that Evans' sample would test positive, meaning she'd be sent back to jail, so they attempted to grab the urine before it reached its destination. The driver, however, caught them and called the cops. Ironically, Evans' sample tested negative, but the sample she had to give after being arrested for the pee caper came up positive for meth.
Billion Dollar Dummy
Dallas, Texas: Rule #1 of trying to cash a bogus check: make it out for a reasonable amount. Charles Ray Fuller, 21, broke that rule and all conventions of common sense when he tried to cash a check for 360 BILLION DOLLARS. To top it off, the check wasn't even made out to him. He was arrested on forgery charges.
Tattoo Clue
Billings, Montana: A wanted man with an unusual surname was arrested after police noticed the name tattooed on the side of his head. Officers working on a separate case happened to walk past Sterling F. Wolfname, 26, when they saw the word "Wolfname" tattooed on his head. The name matched that of a suspect in a fatal beating in Wyoming. Wolfname lied about his identity, but his tattoo gave police a "heads up."
"Porn Inspector"? Nice try.
Longmont, Colorado: Andrew Libby, 33, was arrested for impersonating a cop and demanding copies of pornographic movies from an adult video store. Claiming to be an "age verification detective," Libby told the store's employees that his job was to make sure the movies' stars were at least 18 years old. The workers didn't buy his story (his Fabio hair probably didn't help).
Bills, Bills, Bills
Brooklyn, New York: As Victor Marin, 20, was stealing $218 in cash from an apartment he had broken into, for some reason he decided to take out his own wallet and lay it on a bed. When he left, he forgot something -- wait for it -- his wallet! When Marin returned minutes later, the apartment's resident was back. Standing outside, Marin offered to return the money in exchange for his wallet, which contained his ID and credit cards. The victim told him to stuff the money under the front door, but since the wad included 93 dollar bills, it was too tall to fit, and Marin had difficulty shoving the bills inside. That gave police time to show up and arrest him.
Hangman
Dartford, England: John Pearce, 32, came to realize the hazards of daylight burglary when in the course of climbing through a window, his foot got caught in the window, leaving him dangling upside-down in plain sight of pedestrians walking down the busy sidewalk. Onlookers proceeded to mock him mercilessly until police arrived.
Dial-a-Dealer
Gulfport, Florida: Shaquille McKinney, 14, decided to try his hand at telemarketing. Trouble is, he was selling drugs, and the potential buyer turned out to be a policeman. When McKinney cold-called Detective Matt Parks, the cop told him he had the wrong number. Before hanging up, the teen asked Parks if he wanted to buy drugs. The policeman agreed to meet in a nearby parking lot, where McKinney was arrested.
1,000 Strikes?
Lexington, Kentucky: If there's a lifetime achievement award for petty crime, Henry Earl would win hands-down. Since 1970, he's been arrested a whopping 1,333 times (and counting), although he serves an average of less then four days per offense. Dumb or dedicated? You be the judge.
Ice Cream Men
La Plata, Maryland: Wesley Jumper, 36, and Shawn Stewart, 36, are apparently very dirty and very stupid. How else could you explain their decision to 1) steal $500 worth of soap and shampoo from a CVS drug store, and 2) use a Good Humor ice cream truck as their getaway vehicle. The truck, which Stewart used for day job, was easy enough for the police to spot, and the men were promptly arrested. No word on what happened to the confiscated Nutty Buddies.
Drunk Driving Test
Bendorf, Germany: A 27-year-old man arrived for his road driving test smelling of alcohol. Although he insisted to the instructor that he hadn't had anything to drink, he proceeded to drive erratically, at which point the instructor directed him to pull into a parking lot...at a police station. The man was booked for driving with a blood-alcohol content of three times the legal limit. And he failed the test.
This Crack's Wack
Hawthorne, Florida: Eloise Reaves, 50, stretched the limits of "to serve and protect" when she approached a policeman and asked him to help her get her money back for the poor-quality crack cocaine she'd just purchased. She showed him the crack, which she had tucked away in her mouth, and he placed her under arrest. The accused salesman was not charged.
Dear Dummy...
Boyds, Maryland: While awaiting trial for murder and armed robbery, inmate Quinton Thomas sent a friendly letter to a chum suggesting that he kill any witnesses who were planning to testify against him. He figured he could be so bold because he knew that the prison staff didn't screen outgoing mail. However, he must've sent the letter to the wrong address or affixed the wrong postage, because it was sent back "Return to Sender," making it INCOMING mail, which IS screened by the staff. He was convicted on three new counts -- one of solicitation to commit murder and two of witness intimidation -- in addition to the original charges.
Posted by Christine in Finland on 27/1/09
Does anyone moderate these comments?????
Posted by Charlie leBlanc on 27/1/09
It is nice to know that these morons have been removed from the public. Too bad stupidity isn’t against the law. I don’t think the penal system can handle that many dumb asses
Posted by Barry on 28/1/09
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Posted by Winceworth on 28/1/09
This article was mildly amusing.
Posted by Charles on 28/1/09
I enjoy laughing at the expense of others.
Posted by ekku on 28/1/09
moi christine siinä alapuolella
Posted by Evil bunny on 29/1/09
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, ‘How much money do you make a week? A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, ‘Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back.
‘Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the roomand asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here?
“From across the room came a voice,
‘Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.’
Posted by Evil bunny on 29/1/09
Just because I could
EB
Posted by scott loke on 29/1/09
im from marsville, ca and i remember that
Posted by scott loke on 29/1/09
ha ha oops! i meant MARYSVILLE, ca. post me too
Posted by Centurion on 29/1/09
I dunno. In my 27 years of law enforcement I’ve see some really stupid things. Criminals don’t get awards for being smart. I always wished we had a law called “state stupid” to book ‘em on.
Posted by bonnie on 2/2/09
perhaps if more people were helpers and not condemers and our education system really worker for the underdog we would not see so many ignorant crimals
Posted by bonnie on 2/2/09
criminals
Posted by Eric on 24/2/09
I have to comment on Mr. Kron’s situation. Not all of the facts were reported on the local news report. Mr. Kron suffers from a dibilitating form of Bi-Polar disorder and is not a stupid criminal as is portrayed here. That would probably justify why he would make a bad criminal if he were one. When confronted he told the truth and when he went back the next day it was to rectify the situation with management. So, I think it’s pathetic for people to mis-inform the public just to get a laugh off of someone’s misfortune of being born with an illness. What if it were your Brother, Father, Sister, Husband or Wife … would it be so funny then. I know that this whole incident has ruined Mr. Kron’s life on many levels … personally, professionally & financially. It may be a good laugh … but a laugh perpetrated by initial half truths.
Posted by Robin on 14/4/09
Go Eric! Thank you. I have Bipolar myself and have been in a few sticky situations and would hate to be labelled as, and mocked for being, a ‘dumb criminal’.
With regard to the other ‘criminals’, we should not forget that there are so many socio-economic factors involved in ever instance of criminal behaviour that we cannot judge every individual as ‘dumb’ without knowing all the facts and circumstances.
Posted by abant on 19/4/09
very great blog about crimes and i want to thank you for all ..
Posted by Mason on 27/4/09
You know…I’m diagnosed bi polar and I’ve never done anything like that. Ever.
Posted by Disgusted on 3/5/09
Eric and Robin, what forgotten level of hell do you people reside in? Wether “born with an illness” or not, he broke the law in a moronic fashion. You got into sticky situations where you would be labeled a “dumb criminal” so….. you broke the law? How so? Jaywalking or smoking weed, meh. But, if you robbed someone/stole something, you’re a sleazebag and bi-polar is NO JUSTIFICATION WHATSOEVER. You people are disgusting XD WTF is wrong with you?
Posted by Disgusted on 3/5/09
“what if it were your transexual moon-uncle” Yeah, I can play games with words too:
“I’m an alcoholic, so robbing and raping your mother was perfectly acceptable, they just didn’t report all the facts.” Moron.
Posted by Bruce on 28/5/09
Dumb criminal stories provide a laugh for all of us. Darwin believed in survival of the fittest. These criminals certainly are not the fittest.
Posted by Steve on 5/6/09
Well, Mr. Kron may not have been so dumb after all. I heard that all of the charges against him were dropped.
Posted by Phillip Staub on 28/10/09
Hmmm… well im siting in detention and ive got to say… thats funny. lol . thank god these dumbass’s are removed from the public
Posted by Jesse on 28/10/09
funny shit
Posted by Jesse on 28/10/09
funny shit
Posted by Flu-Bird on 15/11/09
Read one in READERS DIGEST about in NEW ZEALAND how to convicts shackled together tried to escape unfortunnatly for them their chain got cuaght on a lamp post and they both colided DEFIANT ONES THEIR NOT
Posted by Ella on 10/12/09
this is a great laugh; some people are so stupid!!
One of my favs was the one about Eloise Reaves, how dare he sell her drugs that are of bad quality!! hah
Posted by Anonymous on 30/1/10
I’ve seen funnier ones…
Posted by Anonymous on 30/1/10
I’ve seen funnier ones…
Like, two men tried to rob a bank, but they got stuck in the revolving door. 10 minutes later, they came back and got stuck again, but finally made it through. They demanded $10,000 and people laughed. Thinking the reason was because they were demanding too much, the crooks lowered the demand to $1,000. People still laughed.
$100? HAHAHA $10? HAHAHAHAHA
ONE DOLLAR FOR EACH OF US?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Enraged, one of the men leaped up onto the counter, but he fell and broke his leg. The other tried to run for it, but got caught in the revolving door. Both were arrested.
OR
A man was in court, charged with a robbery. His lawyer said “My client broke a window and stuck his arm through it, removing the money. How can you prosecute the entire man, when it was only his arm that commited the crime?”
The jury agreed to “Sentence the man’s ARM to 10 years in prison. He may accompany it or not.”
The man, aided by his lawyer, removed his prosthetic arm, set it on the table, and left the courthouse without a word.
OR
A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and might call the police before he could reach the teller. So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America. Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later—still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
OR
A man cavalierly went to a bank and stood in line just as any other customer would. As he got closer to the teller, he pulled out a ski mask and a gun. He then waited in line for several more minutes so that he could rob the bank.
OR
One winter’s day, a juvenile borrowed his friends snowmobile and drove to the local Credit Union. Sporting a full-face helmet with a shield, the boy walked into the Credit Union carrying a handgun. After demanding twenty-thousand dollars, boy’s shield began to fog up due to the heat inside the bank. Raising the shield so that he could see, the boy took the money and ran. The teller called the police because she had recognized the boy once the shield was lifted. She escorted police to the adolescents house where he was immediately arrested.
OR
A man entered a bank ad held out his INDEX FINGER and cocked his thumb and demanded all the money in the cash register or he would shoot. Sensing immediately that the finger gun was not loaded, the teller called the police.
THESE STORIES STINK COMPARED TO THE ONES ABOVE ^
Posted by Cunt Licker on 9/4/10
Wow . Hahah . Thats Funny . But You KInow What Even Funnier . ? My Friend Got Caught Steeling From The Mall Today . & I Dont Even Feel Like Explaining So Nevermind . Hhahah
Posted by michaela park on 12/4/10
hahahahahaha! im cracking up! these people are so dumb!!!! i cant believe why these people are doing that… if they kno if its dumb,,, why would they do it? or is that because they are so dumb that they are doing dumb crimes? LMFDAO! i cant help my self lauging… im gonna share this URL w/ my friends!
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
hahaha! wt?…u guys should check out another story…it’s hillarious..when a guy at a store sent a txt to his friend..“I’m ganna steal an old ladies’ purse”…when he stole the old ladies’ purse he dropped his cellphone that said the txt and never came back 2 get it..the lady called the police..saw the txt..and got the guy that came back at that store in the morning to cover up stuff…
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
Another story..a guy was inpersonating a cop…a person pulled over a guy in a pick up truck…with his flash lights..he had a gift card..that sketched out the restaurants name..but he kept the restaurants logo on the the card…and his name…then the person he pulled over called the cops and he got arrested…
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
oh yeah..just to let you know…he pretended that gift card was a police badge.
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
this is kinda sad..ok..there was a wife and husband…the husband killed her at his house…put her on a boat..and dumped her off board…a few months later when a lady was walking on a beach..his wife washes ashore…then the lady calls the police…the police call the husband and he says that he went fishing ALONE…when he never evergoes fishing..and now..all the sudden he goes fishing…when his made comes..the house is already clean…which is suspicious…he said 2 the police…his wife a pregnant lady…was jogging then she never came back…
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
there’s also a story of a drunk guy telling a police “Someone stole my marijuana”..haha..there’s another story when there was 2 or 3 guys that just wanted 2 rob a place..like a random place at night…so they try to…and it end up being a security camera store..
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
hahahaha…..you can find out these stories…at rd.com..they a lot of funny ones..
Posted by Hahaha! Unknown on 25/4/10
there was a guy that stole a truck that had $250,000 in it..out of the heavy weight..the truck collasped and the victims called the police and found the guy on the street that was trying to get all the money that flew out the car…there’s a story about a guy..who’s pants were sooo low that they kept on falling down…he had 2 put them back up every second…he couldn’t even walk..and then that’s how the police had come 2 him…hahaha….